


The Soul of Wit

by vivianne_leigh



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Flash Fic, Gift Fic, Gift Work, Leprecorn, Mild Blood, Minor Injuries, Not Romance, Other, Tranquilizers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:40:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8783497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivianne_leigh/pseuds/vivianne_leigh
Summary: Dipper and his significant other face down he most dangerous creature in the journal- the leprecorn. Hjinks, predictably, ensue.





	

Readina was going to write down in their notes when they had a moment, preferably where Dipper could see it:

LEPRECORNS WERE NOT FRIENDLY.

Looking back, they’d had to wonder why anyone would assume otherwise- the creatures had a dewey, almost soulless look in their eyes that was only rivaled by evil dolls. They were passive and made a squeaking sound when they bumped something. That is, until they saw you, and your boyfriend, poking around in their brood of jelly-looking eggs- which were, by the way, totally and completely disgusting.

Then they’d look like something from a bad acid trip, the obnoxiously colored hair and bodies only contested by the gleam of needle-like teeth straight out of a horror movie, their cute-from-a-distance horns looking like Wolverine’s claws poking out their foreheads upon closer inspection.

Jesus! Readina found themselves thinking as they bounded over a stretch of root-entangled soil. Of course we’d run into the goofiest looking animal around and set it off into a bloodthirsty rampage. Just a fun part of being in the Pines family!

Scowling with annoyance, they neatly ducked a low branch and pressed on, so wrapped up in thoughts about “wasting a Saturday night” and “why won’t this thing stop chasing us” the blonde hardly acknowledged their boyfriend running alongside them- albeit less nimbly, instead sticking to the clearest footpath. “Do you think they’re gone?!” they yelled in Dipper’s general direction, too annoyed to tone it down. As they ran they could feel their hair whip into messy windblown formations and sweat starting to appear on their face, the two layers of shirts they had on only fueling the fire.

As if in response, a shrill screech of a whinny rang out, startling several birds from from their perches and making them fly around the couple. Readina glanced at them in detached interest, hardly even being phased as a crow with a third eye rushed by, cawing noisily before angling skyward. Lucky. At least they can get home faster than us.

“We’ll be fine.” Dipper replied, rifling through the journal to look at the right pages. “Look, it even says so!” he added, tapping his finger on the pages.

“Dipper,” Readina huffed, feeling the sweat starting to stick their shirts to their sides. “Isn’t that where the page says ‘Kill me please’?” Instead of responding, he ducked his head and read the pages again, only stopping to make sure he wasn’t in danger of slamming into a tree while running (again). “Yeah, see! It says here they only secrete an anodyne! Completely non-toxic, we’ll be fine, as long as the horn doesn’t pierce too deep…” Then he was off again, mumbling about the distance they still had to go and the intricacies of the leprechauns pack system. “Anodyne?! As in, tranquilizer?! From the horn? Dipper.” “Wait- go that way!” he shouted, pointing to the far left. Obligingly, Readina nodded and sped off in the direction, deciding to stow any complaints for later, when hopefully they’d be cuddling, or at least relaxing and away from these 5-foot avatars of Satan.

Noticing the silence of the woods, they grabbed their boyfriends’ arm and slowed, trying to quell their own heavy breathing to hear the surrounding forest better. No wide hooves were pummeling the dirt anymore, and the annoying squeals of the little monsters had vanished.

Satisfied, they let go of Dipper and went to rest their hands on their knees, breathing deeply. Beside them, Dipper had already started smoothing their hair down absently with one hand, the other holding the book open. The familiar sensation of his fingers toying with their strands made them smile fondly, if only for a moment. Then it was back to the situation at hand.

“So. What now?”

That was when the first Leprecorn hopped out of the bushes, screeching.

-

What felt like a million minutes later (but was probably only 5) Dipper Pines pulled up to a wide oak tree and crouched against the broad trunk, shaking with the exertion of supporting his dates’ sluggish weight with only one arm, and running to boot. A small smear of blood streaked its way across his chest and down his extended arm, looking almost like a lightning bolt as it dried into a brown stain. Readina slouched dazedly beside him with a tired, glassy expression, the shallow flesh wound stretching just below their clavicle doing little for their appearance.

Apparently, the journal had failed to make note of the Leprecorns freakishly high jumping ability, and how they apparently used this to ‘launch’ themselves at prey like an arrow, albeit as the world’s chunkiest and gaudiest projectile.

Now, Readina was already dozing off from the sedative agent, eyelids fluttering as they tried to ignore the waves of tranquilizing heaviness flooding their system. While they wouldn’t (and couldn’t) die from the substance, the idea of them slipping off into unconsciousness with rampaging magical animals roaming around made Dippers’ heart kick into overdrive. Noticing their listlessness getting worse, Dipper anxiously scooped them up bridal style, still hunched on the forest floor, whispering desperately to them in an attempt to keep them awake longer. Readina eased into his arms, head lolling, and Dipper struggled to keep his voice level enough for them to hear yet low enough to not alert the leprecorns.

“H-hey, stay awake for me, okay?”

Lethargically, they nodded, giving a short hum of agreement. The knot in his stomach loosened, but only by a fraction. Carefully, he swept a lock of hair away from their face. The angle was awkward and his arms were starting to complain, but they smiled under his touch. He smiled back, even though they couldn’t see, as he stood listening to the sounds of the forest and watching their breathing.

Wait.

The sounds of the forest?

Suddenly aware, he drew Readina closer to him, listening intensely now. The woods were quiet. Far off, birds chirped in the natural light, and the trees rustled gently as a warm breeze rushed by. The sounds of aggressive bleating and the noise of small hooves on soil had disappeared completely.

Warily, Dipper stepped away from the tree, scanned the forest for a moment, and after adjusting his limp datemate in his arms, ducked his head and ran. The Mystery Shack squatted in the distance, still as rundown as ever, but the sight of a safe haven spurred him. Eventually, the loose dirt of the woods gave way to the packed soil of the Mystery Shack main road, only to give way to the old creaky wood of the front porch.

Winded, he staggered the last few steps towards the door and leaned heavily against the wall, before jerking his head down to peer at Readina.

“Are you- Can you hear me? I-I need to clean your wound, okay? Does it hurt?”

Panicky, he started surveying their injury, trying to gauge the depth and blood loss.

Slowly, they cracked open a single eye, and muttered something under their breath, letting their eyes slip shut again.

Dipper tensed, trying to parse what they’d said, but was too anxious to actually try, eyes still stuck on the almost-dried blood ringing the wound.

“What?”

They said something else, weaker this time, faint enough to be unintelligible but heard none the less. Awkwardly, Dipper pulled them closer, careful not to jostle anything.

“What? Wait, wait, no! Ree. You’ve got to stay awake! Come on!”

Gingerly, they beckoned closer with a slow gesture, so Dipper’s ear hovered near their mouth. The perfect angle, as he completely missed the mischievous smirk that flashed across their face for a millionth of a second, only to be wiped away in the next instant.

“Hey…” they said, then tensed up, coughing lightly. Looking panicked, Dipper peered again at the gash across their chest, wide-eyed, making sure the beast hadn’t hit a lung somehow. It hadn’t, but Readina pulled his sleeve again anyways, insistent. He listened as they took a slow, dragging breath and spoke, quietly.

“My eyes are up here, asshole.”

There was a beat of silence. Two. Then, like a storm building, Readina started chuckling, a sound that built up from a faint giggle to full blown laughter- right in Dipper’s ear. He seemed to have frozen.

“Wow! Whoo,” they said, wiping their eyes weakly and relaxing again. A bit of pale hair fell over their nose, and they sneezed before continuing, the motion slopping a bit more fresh blood across their front. “That was funny, man- loved your face. But uh… I think that thing is kicking in again… I feel a bit fuzzy; sleepy? Sorry.” And with that, the soporific effects won over for a second time and they drifted back into sleep, a lingering smile still curling their lips.

Meanwhile, in the land of the conscious, Dipper Pines looked at his datemate curled in his arms and wondered, very seriously, if a joke that terrible merited getting dropped.


End file.
